I don't wish to sound like an angry Marvel-blogging fanboy - hell-bent on claiming that this film 'doesn't follow the comics'. But...
And all the press, the interviews and behind-the-scenes intent pointed towards a fresh start for the X-Men.But clearly the filmakers weren't confident enough to simply start again. Or rather they started again, but clung on to links with their predecessors that simply made me wince - embarrassed to have paid my entrance fee.
'Next thing you know I'll be going bald', quips James McAvoy's Xavier. Some of the lines in this film were so cheesey that when it finished and the lights went up I expected the row behind me to contain Wallace & Gromit or the Mouse from Fonejacker.
"I expected the row behind me to contain Wallace & Gromit or the Mouse from Fonejacker"
And after being taken over by Xavier one Russian military personnel says 'WHAT?' with such comedic melodrama, albeit in Russian, that I can only assume the director had been watching episodes of Family Guy the night before the shoot.
The premise is that this film explores the Xavier/Magneto friendship/rivalry. First thing's first, McAvoy and Michael Fassbender are great as Xavier and Magneto respectively.
McAvoy's more playboy Xavier is refreshing, and the first real time that 'Charles' hasn't been portrayed as the perfect leader who always knows what's happening.
And much like the transformation of Sabretooth from Tyler Mane to Liev Schreiber in X-Men to Wolverine, Fassbender is a better Magneto in many ways than Sir Ian McKellen, and far more believable as a villain.
Kevin Bacon is also a great villain as Sebastien Shaw, but even these three, the best performances on show, are let down by terribly timed lines.
The last line of the film for example: "I prefer to be known as...
...
...
... Magneto."
Why build tension in a line where we all know the one-word answer? Don't be fooled into thinking that this space is filled by hand gestures or facial expressions either - it's just a slow zoom.
The plotline is thread into GCSE history with the holocaust and the Cuban Missile Crisis featuring heavily. In fact you could probably remake this film using some BiteSize revision footage and scenes from the other X-Men films.
Particularly the first scene, a near carbon copy of Magneto bending some Nazi gates that was seen in the first film.
Maybe this is a deliberate hark back to the beginning of the X-Saga, but again I was under the impression this was a fresh start? Why does Beast feature but no Cylcops? Jean Grey? Iceman? Angel? The actual beginnings of the X-Men?
Oh wait there is an Angel. Angel Salvadore. Known these days as Tempest in the comics. But I don't want to sound like a Marvel fanboy.
Darwin is introduced as a new character, with his power to adapt to any circumstance an interesting one to display on screen.
So naturally he's killed after around twenty minutes of screentime.
The only other character to suffer from too little screentime is a cameo for the X-Saga's most successful feature. It has been said that this film will do well to be successful without the clawed-one but this minute-long segment shows that even that wasn't possible.
Sorry if I've listed a couple of spoilers but that is the challenge of this film. A reboot. The four X-Films before have been full of spoilers for 'First Class'.
And I'm afraid it's a challenge the X-Men have failed. I was not a fan of Star Trek or Batman when they rebooted and yet thoroughly enjoyed those films.
I get that the 'in-thing' in Hollywood right now is darker reboots (Thanks for that Christopher Nolan) but this one lacks any punch.
"I don't care whether or not that guy from Skins will learn to be blue."
I don't care about what will happen between Xavier and Mystique in any possible sequel, or whether or not that guy from Skins will learn to be blue. I don't care about Havok or Riptide (Did you know he was in it by the way? He's the suited-up whirlwind guy. Which isn't actually Riptide's power.) OK! OK! So I'm a Marvel fanboy!
But that's not the only reason I don't like this film. As a standalone sci-fi/fantasy it bored me. And in the climatic final battle my fellow cinema-goers and I thought of at least three other ways the good guys could have won in the car on the way home.
As much as my Y chromosome was pleased, as a film fan I grew a little tired of seeing scantily clad girls run about for very, very little reason. Then again January Jones seemingly didn't get the part of Emma Frost on her acting ability.
Verdict: All-in-all 'X-Men First Class' fails to buck a worrying recent trend of blockbuster superhero movies that promise so much and fail to deliver (See Spiderman 3, Wolverine and Iron Man 2). Despite decent performances from actors such as McAvoy and Fassbender, who do the best they can with some terrible lines, and even the return of Bryan Singer, First Class should head straight to detention. Bubs.
6/10